Finding the “thanks” in Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Day has long been a day of reflection, celebration, family, and traditions in America. I have fond memories from my childhood of my Mom cooking a wide assortment of pies accompanied by pans of dressing, bowls of potatoes, and other family dishes, which only made their way to the table once a year. I can still see my Mom making her famous chicken and dumplings as my father, brother, and I prepared ourselves for a day filled with feasting and football.

My experience changed slightly when I moved an hour and a half away from home to attend college. Thanksgiving began to be marked by the end of the semester and the beginning of studying for finals. Those days included a short trip down I-40, leaving the college world behind and journeying to the world and home, which molded my childhood.

Now, this day is marked by creating that same type of home for my children. My wife and I do not live with family nearby, so many of our Thanksgiving Day meals have been spent with people from our faith family. We have been blessed to gather around a table or a living room, enjoying the company of others.

Thanksgiving embodies what we as humans are designed to do. We are created for relationships, mainly a relationship with God through the man, Jesus Christ, and relationships with one another. I have dozens of memories from past Thanksgiving celebrations, but the one memory I do not have is being alone on Thanksgiving. Yet, with a global pandemic raging and social distance restrictions this year, many may experience Thanksgiving in the context of being alone, or at least not able to have everyone around the table. How do you find the “thanks” in Thanksgiving, especially as a believer? There are three vital truths we must keep in mind this holiday season.

Look to what you know to be true instead of what you experience

The Apostle Paul uses a short, simple clause over twenty times to describe a life full of gratitude. One of the times Paul uses this statement is in Colossians 2:6-7, “Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.” This idea of abounding in thanksgiving is not a natural reaction while living in a broken world—it is a habitual discipline.

Many times, our reactions and attitudes are shaped by what we experience. These experiences can be momentary or prolonged. Usually, we group these experiences into categories: the “good” experiences and the “bad” experiences. We want to revisit and relive the good experiences—the perfect drive on a golf course, the great conversation around a meal, the last-second comeback win by the home team. Many people live for a good experience, which is not a bad thing, but it’s not a reality to expect good experiences all the time. Often our ability to give thanks correlates with our ability to have good experiences.

Take away the good from the experience, and our thanksgiving withers away.

But this was not Paul’s worldview, nor should it be the worldview of a Christian. Paul experienced his fair share of trouble and heartache. The words written in the above verses were written from a Roman jail cell, yet his thanksgiving still abounded. Why? Because Paul allowed his theology to shape his experience and not the other way around. Some of you may not have the traditional experience this holiday. The people you long to see may not be able to travel, or they may not want to travel, which hurts us most of all. This year, your Thanksgiving Day may not be what you planned, but when you allow what you know to be true about God—His love, His Gospel, His forgiveness, and His patience—to shape your thoughts, then you can live from the truth instead of experience. Paul knew the deep truths of God and allowed them to cultivate a thankful heart and a life that stood the trials of life.

Seek the beauty of relationships above the occasion

One way to keep a thankful heart during times of distress is to seek the beauty of relationships instead of the joy a single day can bring. I have been guilty of emphasizing the pleasure I can pursue in an occasion instead of what God can do through my relationships. How many of us made an idol out of the perfect meal, the ideal venue, the ideal event, and the perfect guest list? If we are not careful, our traditions and holidays can boil down to our efforts to make an occasion remarkable and memorable instead of taking time to enjoy the relationships around the table. The people at the banquet are more important than the feast itself. Perhaps, one of the blessings of 2020 is the rediscovery of people and relationships. Too much time can be spent on preparation and presentation instead of the cultivation of friendships and family. I love what C.S. Lewis says about friendships, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? Thought I was the only one.’”

Yet, friendships are not the only relationships that we experience. The relationships within our family are extremely important. Edith Schaeffer, wife of Christian apologist Francis Shaeffer has words of wise counsel as she writes, “Tradition is a good gift intended to guard the best gifts.” This year, you may not be able to celebrate the past traditions, or you may not be able to connect with friends this holiday season like before. But the occasions and traditions are not the best gifts; they guard the best gifts. The best gifts are the people gathered around the table, never neglect these gifts.

Look for ways to give instead of receiving

My wife does not receive enough credit for the way our house “feels.” She is the most hospitable person I know, and she wants to make everyone who comes to dinner feel like they are receiving something special. Everything speaks when we have people over for dinner, from the way the plates and napkins are arranged to the bowls the food is served in, everything speaks, and everything has a place. She desires to give instead of receive. Every fall, we place a sign on our mantle that says, “Let our lives be full of both thanks and giving.” I believe thanksgiving flows not from the experience or the celebration of the occasion but from the giving of our time, resources, and presence.

I have served Fellowship Community Church as one of their pastors for over eight years, and the hallmark of my faith family is the concept of giving instead of receiving. For years, the sweet people of Fellowship gather every year on Thanksgiving and feed our local first responders. Families and individuals give their time and resources to make sure someone besides themselves is the recipient of love and charity. That is what Thanksgiving is all about. Christians are thankful people not because we can gather around a table, but because Jesus gave His life for us so we can gather around His table. His table is full of messy lives redeemed by the cross of Calvary. This year, I am thankful for my little family I get to share life with every day, my faith family who understands it is more blessed to give than receive, and my Lord who has invited me to His table. I pray you find thanks in the things that stand the test of time.