“A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV)
I grew up without a best friend. The street I lived on didn’t have families with children my age, so having a friend drop by was not a common practice. I had friends, but our interactions were mainly at school or an occasional playdate. My kids are experiencing a different childhood. A childhood with numerous knocks on the door from neighbors, school friends, swim team friends, and church friends. Our house has become a revolving door for our kids’ friends, which is something Kristiana and I prayed for and asked the Lord to provide. Thinking upon my kids’ blessing of having so many friends has led me to question, “Are my children good friends, and does knowing Christ make them a better friend?” I ask this question because some of my best friends are believers, yet some of the people who have not been good friends to me in the past were believers. Now, please don’t get me wrong. I am not basing whether being a believer or not makes you a good friend. However, when Christ is magnified through a believer’s life, friendship is one of the main stages where the glory of Christ can be seen as we interact with people where they live, work, and play. One of the avenues the Great Commission travels is the path of friendship. As believers, we should want to be better friends. Good friends to those inside the church and those we encounter every day. So how can we be better friends to those in our tribes and circles?
Practice Gospel Hospitality
One of the aftereffects of the pandemic is the normalcy of being isolated. Living an isolated life was trending before the pandemic, so it’s natural for the outcome to be even more isolation. We worked, played, and lived in community in days gone by. People ate together gathered on front porches, backyards, parks, and drive-in theatres. Lives were lived in open communities, sharing life. These experiences reinforced friendships and the realization that people needed one another. Today, we still see people gathering together as the pandemic made many realize that we still need friendship and community. Yet, with the desire for comfort and the advances of technology, we can find ourselves in danger of living a life far away from people and friends. We can work, attend school, and stream a million movies, all from the comforts of home. We have our food DoorDashed to our house or schedule a touch-less delivery from the grocery store. We don’t even have to interact much with the people providing the services in many cases. We even have “tela-doctors” who make a diagnosis and prescribe medication without ever stepping outside our homes. These are wonderful conveniences, and I am thankful for the ability to live in our day and age. Yet, as Oswald Chambers states, “An unguarded strength is a double weakness.”
We have to guard against letting these modern graces overshadow the beauty of friendship and relationships. One of the ways to make sure this does not happen is to be intentional with gospel hospitality. Our homes can be places for the weary soul searching for meaning, purpose, good conversation, and a friend. I have found that friendship blossoms around the dinner table. Rosaria Butterfield has written an excellent book on Gospel Hospitality, and her words are perfect for those looking to be good friends. She writes, “Radically ordinary hospitality is doing what you normally would do as a Christian, as a person saved by God’s amazing grace, and opening up your arms a little bit wider. It means looking at our homes not as castles, but as God’s embassy. It means knowing that God never gets the address wrong. He has given you neighbors and you are the bridge to the Lord for those neighbors.” Opening your home is an excellent way to learn to be a good friend.
Check The Log Before The Speck
If you are not familiar with the words of Jesus in Matthew 7:5, you may find the title of this section rather odd so let’s look at this passage. “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” The word “hypocrite” is one of the words used to describe those within the church, and while often hypocrisy does reign in the church, it is my opinion that this word does not describe the majority of those who claim Christ as Lord. Yet, we have to face the facts. Often, we do not build bridges leading to friendships because we are too busy building walls out of the specks we see in the lives of others. Jesus paints a very clear picture with His words. Why are we so concerned with the sin in others’ lives when we walk around with a beam of wood hanging out of our eyes? We have to admit that we are often more known for our judgment of others than our love for them. Now friendship is not just about overlooking sin or not being candid with someone, but often we will judge a person before we even get to know them. This observation is why gossip, slander, and speaking falsehood are so destructive to the church and the Kingdom of God as a whole. Yet, a Christian who leads with love can make a tremendous friend. My wife is such a friend. Of all the people I know, she understands friendship the best. Not only is she my best friend, but she is a friend to all. Kristina has the beautiful gift of making people feel like they belong. On more than one occasion, her friends have described her as a person who is not “sin shocked.” By that term, I don’t mean that she overlooks sin, but she doesn’t prejudge a person because of something in their past or present. She is a safe place to land in the middle of crisis, joy, or on an ordinary day.
Brother and sister, are you the same? Are you a safe place for people to come and find beauty amid their ashes? God can use a person who understands friendship the way the Bible describes. We all have specks and logs in our life, and we can be instruments of grace when we address the log in our eyes before tenderly and gracefully helping others with the specks in their eye. You see, we are all better disciples when we are better friends. I get a front-row seat as I watch my wife instill the value of friendship into my daughter. I count it a blessing to see my daughter spending her time making extra places for friends at the table and becoming a good friend like her Mom.
To Be A Good Friend, You Must Be Friendly
We can gain a lot of wisdom from Proverbs 18:24, and the best part is it’s often pretty simple. To be a good friend, you have to be friendly. The simplest things can bring joy to the lives of others—friendship buds in the garden of simplicity. Being a good friend often comes down to a few tweaks in our relationships, not massive overhauls. Most of the believers I meet are caring, loving, God-honoring souls who desire to make a difference in the world around us. I occasionally run into a judgmental hypocrite, usually when I wake up and look in the mirror. 😊 Yet, I yearn to be the best friend I possibly can be and have found that a few minor changes go a long way. One of the most significant changes we can make is to take the time to be friendly. Give people an extra five minutes, and don’t rush your conversations. Open a car door, watch someone’s child while they run an errand, or bring someone a meal while they get back on their feet. Invite someone over to watch the game. Take the time not to talk but to listen. The list goes on and on.
Small changes can lead to opportunities to share the hope we have in Christ.